Writing to deprive death of its strangeness

To begin depriving death of its greatest advantage over us, let us adopt a way clean contrary to that common one; let us deprive death of its strangeness, let us frequent it, let us get used to it; let us have nothing more often in mind than death… We do not know where death awaits us: so let us wait for it everywhere.

Michel de Montaigne

Debra Parker Oliver, PhD, MSW

The Mission

My mission is to use literature to open conversations that deprive death of its strangeness.

The Vision

Combining professional knowledge and of personal experience I will create a platform of publications that generate conversation and reveal the secrets of the backstage of dying; depriving death of its strangeness.

A senior woman with short gray hair and glasses, wearing a gray sweater with sparkles, sitting on a gray chair with her left hand resting on her chin, smiling at the camera against a plain white background.

A feather quill pen in an ink bottle resting on an open notebook with a drawing instrument nearby

Research combines many stories

Memoir tells one story

Fiction provides an ideal story

Creating Conversations

Personal Hospice Caregiving Experience

A man with glasses and wearing a yellow shirt is sitting on a beige couch, making a peace sign with his right hand. His legs are extended on the couch, and he is wearing red shoes. The background shows a wooden dining table, chairs, a walker, a glass of water, television remote, and some miscellaneous items on a small table.

2014

I cared for my husband David Oliver for four years. He died of terminal cancer at home while holding my hand.

An elderly woman with short gray hair, glasses, and sunglasses on her head, holding a cane and a phone, smiling in front of a flower bed with rows of pink, red, and yellow tulips. There's a sign with the name "Marilyn" and a note about lily-flowering tulips. Two people are visible in the background walking through a park with green grass and trees.

2024

I cared for my mother Marilyn Wise. She died of Dementia in Evelyn’s Hospice House.

2025

I cared for my father Raymond Parker. He died of Congestive Heart Failure & Dementia in Kansas City Hospice House.

A smiling man sitting on a black armchair, holding a black and brown dog in his lap. The man is wearing a plaid shirt and blue jeans, and the dog is looking up at him. Behind them are framed pictures of a wedding and a man and woman on the wall, and a tall floor lamp is nearby.

Professional Experience in Hospice

Before the rest of the world had ever heard of hospice, I learned young the impact loss and grief can have on a family. My mom became a widow, for the first time, when I was 18 and she was 36. At a time when I was deciding my career, it had a profound impact. As I started to pursue a degree in social work, end of life advocacy and improving hospice care became a calling.

40 years of denying death of its strangeness

My first professional position after getting my Masters of Social Work was in a volunteer hospice agency in Marshall, MN. I was the social worker and the administrator of the only free standing community based hospice in Minnesota. I would lead it to become the first Medicare certified free standing community based hospice agency in 1986.

A desire to contribute to the community I grew up in and first learned about death then led me home to St. Joseph, Mo. There, started Hands of Hope Hospice, the first Medicare certified hospice agency north of KC and St Louis in the state.

I would later serve as President of the Missouri State Hospice Organization. Lastly, my final hospice experience was in Columbia, Missouri. There, I continued to lead a hospice program while returning to school again for my PhD.

Through it all, I was led by a passion to spread quality end of life care. My goal? Simple. To improve hospice nationally.

I graduated with my PhD from the University of Missouri in 2000 and joined the School of Social Work as an Assistant Professor. I would become the Director of the Doctoral Program and receive the schools first grant from the National Institute of Nursing Research. After receiving tenure I joined the School of Medicine and became a Full Professor where I continued to focus my research on hospice and end of life care as well as teach medical students about handling patients and family members at the end of life.

In 2020, I joined Washington University in St Louis and founded the research component in the Division of Palliative Medicine and became the Inaugural Ira Kodner, MD Endowed Chair of Palliative and Supportive Care. I have enjoyed mentoring faculty and students in hospice research and continually sharing my personal experience which taught me as much as my research.